I want a boyfriend

But truthfully, I'm not ready.
I want someone to share my life with, laugh at all my dumb comments and hug me when things get tough. I want to hear everything that happens in their life. What they ate for dinner and which one of their toes is bigger.
But I don't want to deal with finding the right guy.
I'm still not ready to date guys, I don't know if I ever will be. I don't feel like it.
I don't want to deal with all the crappy guys that just want down my pants. (cough tinder cough)
I'm so sick of having guys only want one thing. They only ask questions to find out what will make you get with them.
The sad part is, I know their are guys out there, that are better than what I describing above. However, living in Utah makes me feel like the only way I'll ever find a nice decent human being is if I joined a church. Which is crazy because their are nice people outside of churches. < I need to find a church for me, no one else...however, I've been thinking about it more lately...what do I really believe in?

I'm kind of done with hook-up culture and looking for a guy. I don't need anyone in life to "complete" me. I am my own person and hopefully someone will come along a be the decent being the can come into my life and we can make each-other "better" people.

I'm also sick of being around people who only like to hook up. I don't like it. I couldn't care less for it. I want to LIKE the person before they try to stick their tongue down my throat (like ewwwwwwwwww, I could go to the doctor if I wanted someone down there) 

I want a friend over a hook-up, even if that hook-up could turn into a relationship.
So for lent I'm giving up Tinder and other sites like that and yes I know I don't celebrate lent. 

List of things that I will do to "better" myself instead of focusing on "other opposite sex"

1. Get my drivers license (I will punch every single friend that says "FINALY")
2. Find something active that I like to do. (A video or going to the gym)
3. Photography (Get out of your room and take pictures...please?)
4. Find a new type of book to read other than romance ( There doesn't always have to be a happy ending) 
5. Focus more on my school work. (This should be higher on list)

Alright Dianne, go forth and try your hardest to just live...

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What I am?

I'm ditzy, blonde and I'm not always the smartest tool in the shed.

However I do love the people around me. Sometimes a little too much and I'm not very great at letting go of those people. Maybe it's because I always think of the best of them in my head.

I always wonder why people like me. Do they like me for my ideas, thoughts or random comments? Do they like me for being caring? or do they only like me because I'm a push over? Because I'm a person you can repeatedly make fun of.

I've had failed friendships in the past 5 years and I'm always upset when it happens. I always take the blame upon myself, but this time around I'm trying not to. But every time it happens, I'm right back to where I am now, sad that I can't call that person and tell them about my day and find out about theirs. That I can't ask them to hang out and eat bad food like Taco Bell.

 I miss them because I love the people around me, even when I can't stand them, I love them. I love every part about them because they have accepted me as their friends and for that, why wouldn't I love them? They "love" me despite all the flaws I see in myself, they hang out with me even when I'm that push over and they tell me to stand up for myself and I never do. They love me even though I'm the silly blonde thats from Canada. Even when I always pick arguments.

I'm sure the moment my friends read this I'm going to get comments like "Dianne, don't be dumb people will always love you"or "It wasn't your fault" or "You are better than that"

It's just been one of those thoughts that come into my head and need to leave...in a blog?

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