Memories

I wrote this 2 years ago. It was my first year of college and it brought back so many memories. 

and this is college
when you get to college, you see people from high school you never talked to. you become friends.
first thing I learned at college. putting 8 girls together and having 8 guys across the hall…drama.
you best friend WILL leave you. you can’t relay on them anymore. your not cool enough…live with it, get new ones.you learn to become scarred of your best friend. you didn’t think it would hurt this much to watch her get new friends.
the distance will hurt, its life.
having a “sheldon” across the hall is greattttttttt. talking to him for 3 hours straight is even better. knowing that you have a friendship even as simple as that helps you hold it together.
learning to become open to new ideas.
wanting to go to any church you can…even the mormon ones.
loving that you have 2 people who ALWAYS invite you to things and you push you out of your zone
knowing that you have 2 roommates who always eat dinner around the same time.
having a room to yourself sucks AND is great. you love that you can have the time alone BUT you almost never want it.
missing your mom and dad more than you thought. to the point where you cry.
wanting to go back to high school because you know whats going to happen and more people having your back. 

having 2AM chats with your favorite roommates, makes life better

It made me so grateful for the friends I call friends today. I'm lucky that I got that best friend back. Dorms are drama. You make strong bonds that you aren't scared to leave because you know that this friend is true. I couldn't be more grateful for every ups and downs I've had and I wouldn't change a minute. (BTW, Maddie I wrote about you twice, I didn't know how important you were going to become but I'm so happy we are best friends.)

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Holland.

This poem struck a cord within me that I never want to go away.
It's so scary and amazing at the same. This brings tears to my eyes.
I want to go to Holland.
I'm writing this as a 20 year old woman and I want to go to Holland. I want that for my life.
Who needs Italy? Holland has so many perks that Italy doesn't.

I wrote this ^ a month ago after reading the poem Holland.
I still to this day would love Holland.
Starting my twenties have taught me lots, one of the being is that I love everything about disabilities.
It is a true passion in my life that I never want to leave. I've realized one of my reason for being here.
I want to adopt a child with a disability.
I want to work with disabilities.
As hard as my job may be, or sometimes you are going to have rough days ahead but
you'll always have Holland and the love it brings into your life.

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Augest Favorites

Where did summer go? Time flys, we all know that but really, where did it go!?!?!
Anyways, this month I going to tell you my favorites AND a couple dislikes! Because, why not!?!?!


Favorites:

- Songs

I've been loving Jake Miller! He whole EP The Road Less Traveled just is great! I'm just in love.

AND I've been loving mashups or mixes! Like this one Marina & The Diamonds VS Coldplay

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Current favorites

So...I've been loving some new things lately...like in the past week.

Banana Creamies I LOVE THEM

Like, I'd marry them.

Cold Kraft Mac & Cheese 

No clue why I love this so much, but it's just SOO much better cold, 

Give it a good 20 mintue sit AND then eat. LOVE IT.

Tinder
Pretty sure I'm only obsessed because being in a new city gives you new people on Tinder. (Yes, Maddie! I know it's sooooo 3 months ago, but it's still fun for some of us!) Also I may have found a fun texting buddy, but more on that later ;)

Cruise "Remix" - Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

I'm IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG. I think I just really like how it's country vs hiphop...it's hiphop right? Or is it rap. Well whatever it is! I LOVE IT.

My new foral backpack. 

I'm mostly in love because it's new and its the shade of blue I'm in love with right now. 

OH and it fits my next favorite soooo nicely. ;)

Ipad

I'm just excited to have this for camp! BUT it does have a greatttt blogger app! 

Yup, those were my favorite for this week!! Maybe I'll make this a weekly thing...or maybe ever other week because lets be real here, I wont really blog that much! 

LOVE DIANNE

xoxoxoxoxoxox

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Rant/Feelings.

Moving home has been different. I love being close to my dog. I love being closer to my mother and father. But at the same time, I don't want this life. It sucks. I want the life I had where I was happy and didn't have to rethink anything. These four walls that hold me in are a blessing and a curse. 
Like today, I said something about how I had a pair of shorts but they were tight. 
Someones respond was "maybe you should lose some weight" 
My biggest fight sometimes is the fight against myself. 
I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL.
I don't want to care about my weight.
 I want to care about being healthy.
 I want to care about eating right for my body.
 I want to care about myself and how I feel. 
Not about how I look in a pair of shorts. 
I couldn't care less about my body and how much is weights. 
It's MY body, it's the only one I have and I'm going to love it for what it CAN DO. 
Not for something it can't change over night. 
Media today makes trying to love yourself so hard, it's made my whole world messed up. 
It's made me think that I HAVE to be skinny to be a worthwhile person. When this is sooo far from the truth. You have to care about yourself. LOVE yourself and others will too. 
Ugh, okay. Rant over. 
DAILY REMINDED 
Love yourself for what you can do
"Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built up against it." – Rumi

I'll totes post another happy blog too.

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Everybody wants love.

It's simple really. It's something everyone wants. Something everyone needs.
Love
But in the real world, you can't just got out and say "I'm ready, where is someone to love, who will love me back?"
Look around you, I'm sure you already have love in your life. Everyone has some love in their life.
I have love for my family. Love for my friends. Love for my pets.  Love for my hobbies. Love for faults and my successes.
I guess the point to this post is remind myself and others that there is lots of love in the world.
It may not be the fairytale endding you thought about right before you fell asleep as a little girl. Or even the love you day dream about while you walk to work.
It could be the love that your ready. Love that you need right now.
Open yourself to the world around you, you'll find your love.

It's all 

Ingrid Michaelson fault. This song just makes me feel this. 

Okay, well now that I got that sap out of my head, back to studying!
Good luck and may love find you. <3

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Goodbyes never said.

Death seems so final to me right now in life.
It scares me.
It scares the shit out of me.
The thought of losing someone close to me is scary.
Losing anyone I've ever known is scary too.
That moment when you find out something happened, something that you had no clue about.
It's like a sinking feeling. Like you world has toppled over.
Faking that smile when it feels wrong.
Time moves on but it doesn't at the same time.
It's the last moment you had with the person.
It fills your mind and stays there.
But the last moment gets mixed with all the memories
or feelings
 or even just how you thought of that person.

She was there for parts of my life, made sure I got home safe.
Protected me.
I'll never get to thank her for being a positive person in my life.
She cared. She was one of the most caring person I've never known. Taking care of what was hers and even what wasn't.
She raised one of the best in this world.
Her daughter was there when I had no one.
When I had dark thoughts that wouldn't go away at night. That would fallow me day in and day out.
She raised a person who is going to better this world. Just like she did.
Thank you.

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grateful

Working on my resume always makes me grateful.
Grateful that I've has chances to learn.
To have gotten chances to try new things.
But most importantly it makes me remember all the people who have made me who I am today.
My mother and father.
Sister and brother.
Friends and family.
Teachers and leaders
AND all the people in between. (I'm talking about the crappy people)
It's good to take a moment and think about how lucky you truly are.
How no matter how far you have fallen, you have always gotten up.
I guess I'm also grateful for myself.
I'm grateful for Dianne from 7 years. She has to put up with lots of crap.
But she/we did it. WE got through it. We DIDN'T give up.
One day I'm going to be looking back on my life again, and I'm still going to thank myself.
I hope that day comes again soon.

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Facelift for the iPhone

Spring cleaning brings...changing up the iPhone?
For me, yes! YES YES YES.
When I read this on Our Reflection's blog, I KNEW I had to do it for myself.
You can give your very own iphone a facelift!
Are you sick of those boring old apps? With the same boring old colors that everyone else has?

Try CocoPPa!

Old!

New!

I think we both know which one is the cute one!

Oh and make sure you DON'T delete your original apps, (I put them in another folder!) 

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February Favorites.

Okay, February sucked. My friend once told me about this "law" she believes in. It's that February sucks no matter who you are. Her reasons were that it's cold outside and you don't have the fun of holidays to wait for. Also, she went on a rant about how much v- day sucks for everyone (But I'll save you from hearing about that because I don't agree with her)

I do agree that February isn't and most likely will never be my favorite month, but I thought I would share some good that came from it.

Lets do this thang!

Make up:

Milani Ultrafine Liquid Eye Liner
I'm pretty much in love with this eyeliner. I have sweaty eye lids and THIS DOES NOT COME OFF. I can pretty much almost go for more than 20 hours and it will still be there!

The Rocket by Maybelline.
Okay, so this has mixed reviews so far. But I liked it! I had been using water proof for the past month so I was at the store and thought "Okay, Dianne. You really need to stop using water proof! It's bad for the eyes and IT'S SO HARD TO GET OFF" Anyways, the stuff stays on pretty good for me and it works!


Food:

I have been really liking bagels! Bagels this and that! LOVE THEM.

Also, I've been into baby carrots and cucumbers


TV:

Grey's Anatomy, hot doctors and drama...need I say more?


Music:

RED HANDS - Walk off the Earth

Love them! Found them from ShayCarl and just ugh! I just wanna be them. Plus they are from Canada! Doesn't hurt ;)

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Why the rush?

Everything in my life lately has been rushed lately.
Rushing to be on time.
Rushing to get your projects done.
Rushing to finish cleaning your room.
Rushing to get that first kiss
Rushing to get married.
Rushing to grow up.
I don't want to grow up.
I'm 19 going on 20.
That doesn't mean I have to know what I want to do in life.
It also means that I can make dumb mistakes and learn from them.
Why can't the world just slow down a little longer?
Why didn't I listen to those older kids when I was younger?
Oh, thats right! Because I wanted to rush.
My goal for the next couple of months is to stop.
Stop and think for a minute.
Stop and take a freaking picture.
Stop and take the time to say thank you.
And most importantly say I love you.

I'm in love with the song

 

Moving Too Fast by Charity Vance

Sometimes you have to grow up, even if it's just for a day at a time
Or a Saturday rhyme
Sometimes trees get taller,we watch and admire 
As little boys turn into men
Behind our backs, moving too fast, 
The world spins

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Freeing

All I have to say is thank you.
Thank you SO much Maddie.
You let me, be me and didn't call me a ho ;)
Whatever happens in the future. We will work through it!
I love you so much and appreciate your friendship A LOT. To the point of over coming my fears and being open.
Lets go forth and grab every shooting start that has our wishes hanging from them
(Could I be any more cheesyer?)
(Give me a break...it's early in the morning)

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Starting over

Sometimes I feel like crap. I feel like I'm going no where in live and I feel burned out! 
When I get in these moods I have NO CLUE what to do with myself. 
So this time I decided to write down a list of the things that make me happy,  no matter what! 

First thing you gotta remember is... it's okay to feel bad. Your feelings are YOURS. No one can tell you that their wrong or ridiculous. 

Take the day off. If you are like me and hate people when you don't feel happy, give yourself ONE day of just chilling and being alone. The longer I'm left alone, the happier I am!

Next step is MUSIC. Put on some freaking music. Like no joke. Just like the 90% of the rest of the world, music helps people feel better! I REALLY liked this play list the last time http://8tracks.com/silentsoul/pick-me-ups

READ A HAPPY STORY. Okay...this one might not work for everyone. BUT it works SO well for me! A happy story is like a drug. Give me one and I'll be a different person in 30 minutes. (Love stories work best for me ;) )

Another idea, talk it out. Just keep talking about it to your friends. No joke, it took me 6 different friends this last time. Not all of them will make you feel better, BUT you'll find someone who will. (I couldn't be more thankful for my friends this time around.)

Binge do something. Pick something you want to do and BINGE IT. I played 22 hours of a wii game with one of my best friends. It was SUPER helpful. She let me just be mean! (Fighting games work the best, LOVE hitting people when I'm angry)

TAKE A WALK. If I was at home with my puppy, we would have taken a 2 hour long walk. Just walk away from the problem. It WILL make you feel better! 

Last but not lest. Throw your hair up, put tons of make up on! Pick an outfit that you wouldn't normal wear( but want to) and dance around your room to that music. CLEAN(Love cleaning when I have too much on the mind! )

AND take some silly pictures like me ;)

You should feel better in NO time! Hope you have a better day! 

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temper tantrums

I have been so worked up lately. I just want to scream and run away. But I can't.
It's moments like this where I wish I was someone else. I wish I didn't have expectations. I wish people wouldn't judge me for five minutes and go "Dianne, your so much better than that." or "Don't be petty."
What if I want to be petty? What if my whole life I've tried to do the right thing (For the most part) and WANT to be dumb and stupid??
But no, I can't do that without everyone making me feel like the worst person on earth! I'm SO sick of it. I just want to have huge tantrum! I wanna run around and keep saying no like a 2 year old. I would KILL to be a 2 year old right now.  It's like 3o pound weight that on my shoulders and I want to shake it! But I can't.
I guess I'm writing this as a way of getting it out. But its really not working.

^That is how I feel right now. 

Well, I'm going to research more ways to cool off...because I REALLY need it. 

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I did it.

Earlier this week I had thoughts of "How am I going to do this" or "It's never going to work" or "I can't"
BUT I DID IT.
My photography project has been stressing me out like no other BUT I DID IT.
It took 6 hours in the lab and only getting one photo done. Then the next day I got 3 photos done in only 4 hours! It was the best feeling EVER. There might have been a couple of happy dances!!!
Anyways, if your having a week feeling like you CAN'T do it. Turn that can't into CAN!

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Moments.

So while I'm sitting here painting my nails...the morning before a big test. I should be studying but yet I just had a really interesting thought. I've never really questioned why I wanted to be a teacher. I love it. I love watching that look that someone gets in their eyes when they finally understand. Knowing that, that person has something to themselves that no one can ever take away from them. I love that feeling.

My whole life I've always been the more "slow" one. The one that needs the extra time or the help. I'm always going to be that person. But I wanted to take the time to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who has ever had to explain something to me. Or even wait for me. Those moments might have only been moments but they made me who I am today. If it wasn't for people showing me that I can learn and people will help and wait, I wouldn't want to be a teacher.

 I want to give that to someone else. I want someone somewhere to understand that YOU can be whoever you want.

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Shame?

 No one can make you feel inferior without you allowing them to.

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Goals.

I started some goals last week and I'm loving them.
I've always tried to have goals in the past but they NEVER worked as well as these past couple of days. It really is just one step at a time!
- My first goal was to stop biting my nails, okay so this one is still kind of hard for me! But I've found ways I can go A LOT longer from biting them. I paint them every other day and file them ALL THE TIME.
- Brushing my teeth earlier in the night. When your in college you only want to do things once. So if you brush your teeth earlier in the night...well your not going to eat late night snacks... (I've been doing this mainly because I'm been whitening my teeth but you know, it helps)
-Eating attest 2 - 3 fruits of veggies a day. I have been KILLING this! I don't eat healthy food, I just don't. So I took a step towards eating better. It's not really that hard, you just to stick with it.
^ while I know that this isn't going to make me lose weight fast. It's going to help me CHANGE my lifestyle...which is what I wanted to do in the first place.

And well about the whole it's not going to make you lose weight fast...I've got to see a couple of pounds be chipped away!
ANYWAYS, this is how I'm changing myself this week to become a more whole person.

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TO LIVE BY

This quote is perfect. Yes, it's best to have goals. But sometimes those goals don't come about. Goals change, plans change. Learning to live a life where you can let go and just live. Never looking back at life and saying "I wish I hadn't done that." Life isn't ever going to go as planned. Being able to use your plans and the plans that life has for you are the only thing you can do.
Plus, whats the fun in always going by the book? It's not. You're always going to know what will happen next then. Which is totes boring. ;)

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Dear 15 year old me

Hi Dianne from the past.
I miss you.
 I miss how quite we were.
I miss how polite you were.
I even miss how you swore like a saloir.

Moving to Utah was good for you.
I know you hate your parents right now, but they truly do love you. They want whats best.
There are a ton of pros to moving to Utah.
You get a laptop and a pool. AND you even get that puppy you always wanted. Never give up on the puppy.
Dad gets sick, but it will be alright. He was in great hands and everything is better now.
Mom gave up so much to move here. You need to remember that and be nice. You and her will be fine in this new place.
Yes, you live among the Mormons now. But they are nice and they do indeed have internet here.
You make friends. You have some the same as the first year of school. Some outgrew you, and you outgrew some. It's for the better now. Don't sweat anything with your friends. You will always have friends and you are NOT a freak.
You don't get bullied anymore. Moving taught you that you don't have to put up with it. There are always more people in the world. With open hearts and words. I know you don't believe this, but you look back at 5th to 8th grade now and LAUGH. All those words we used to tell ourself is true. You just have to live and get through. Don't look back at the people who didn't treat you right. They didn't see the gold underneath the dirt. And you diserve everything that is going to come your way.
For once in your life, you are starting to like your body, no matter what other people say. This you most likely don't believe. But its true. You love yourself AND you love make up and dressing up now. YOU CHOOSE TO WEAR DRESSES. You care what you look like and I think it's made us a better person who cares about themselves more.
Moving away from your family has be so scary. But you've done it. Yes, it get lonely hearing about how your brother and sister go to family things without you. But you have your parents AND you get to still see everyone twice a year.
Daniel is happy with Ashley...which you most likely DIDN'T surprise you. They are there for you and love you. Even if you only talk to them 6 times a year...and vist them twice.
Dana is still her fathers daughter, you need to learn to be nicer. You get mom and dad all the time, she doesn't and still needs them. Don't over think the things she says to you. She cares.
Jame and Abby grew up! And they got a little brother! You love them all and it scares you how fast they grow up! But you end up seeing them more than your friends your own age. Their mother is one of the best role models you could ever had.
Remember how I said you got that puppy? Well you did. He is now your mothers new baby. It's okay, because hes the little brother you always wanted but didn't at the same time. It's so nice to come home to him. He truely makes our home, home. I couldn't even think about how life would be without him. Side note, he eats your underwear and took over your spot on the couch.

Dianne, you need to remember to breath. Everything will be alright. What will come with come and tomorrow is a new day. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. You are smart and you will get there one day. Even if you have to go through the window.

I know it's been a hard couple of year, growing up does that to you. But whats up around the corner will be nothing like you thought it would be. You are loved and never let anyone make you feel like you aren't.

I love you Dianne, everything that is about to start will be better. All because you moved to Utah and people start treating you like a person and not your weight.

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Room cleaning

Why is it that I always clean my room just to mess it up again? AND that I get my best work done on Sunday nights?!?! I had allll day and I did NOTHING. But once the clock ticks 9, I get tons done! Ugh, well thats the life of Dianne Duncan

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